It is Not All Downs

As I write these posts, I find that I often sit down to get out the rough feelings and thoughts. Those are the things on my mind that I have to still work through. Sometimes writing about them helps me wrap my head around the issue and then I am able to see it in other lights. But this time in my life has not been all sadness and pain. There has been great joy and happiness as well. For the first time, probably in my entire life, I have the opportunity to make decisions for no one else but me. I realize that that sounds selfish and it probably is, but I figure after living more than 29 years to the standards and ideas of other people, it is time to figure out what my standards are, what my ideas are, what I enjoy, what I value. I am still trying to figure myself out, I am not longer those things I use to define myself by, but I have never had to define myself on my own before.

My first step is going to be figuring out where to live and setting up a place to live. I have never lived on my own. This idea is slightly daunting, but just as exciting. I have no clue where to start looking or where I want to be. I know that I am going to be in the Chicagoland area for at least another year, but after that, I have started to think about moving.

The next step is going to be finding activities that I enjoy. This might be artistic, perhaps a watercolor painting class or learn how to throw pottery, it might be revisiting athletic activities I use to enjoy like going backpacking, wall climbing, or playing ultimate Frisbee, maybe it is something completely new possibly learning how to kayak.

Eventually I hope to find a new love, building that relationship, and possibly starting a family. I was talking to someone recently who told me "You are another friend getting divorced! I am never getting married!!" That got me thinking. I am still and have always been a fan on the institution of marriage. It just was not the right thing for him and me. I hope that there is the right person out there.

There are various "ups" on the horizon. Many more than I am sure I could ever imagine. But I am grateful for those "ups" I have experienced and looking forward to those still out there.