Emotions

One of the things that has been really bothering me is the emotions that I have in response to any type of communication with The Unmentionable. I am very easily overcome in anger, and I do not like it. I do not like being angry, one of the reasons for me moving out is that I was tired of being unhappy and upset and angry. I know that it will take a long time to get over this and be able to completely move on, but those emotions tire me. I realize there will be tough days. I signed up for that. I just do not like that he has such a hold over me that I still respond the way I do. I do not want to fall into the trap of becoming a bitter person. I do not want to always be angry and frustrated.

I want a positive outlook on life. I want to be able to grow and develop myself in an effective, productive, and positive manner. And I do not want it to be fake or superficial.

I do not know where I am going with this post, other than to get it out and work through my thoughts. I have way too many thoughts going on in my head at any one time, and writing on this site has been a good way to sort through those thoughts.

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In other news, I am going to look at three apartments tomorrow, with the assistance from some really amazing friends. I am really excited about this endeavor, I am beginning to feel that part of my healing process needs to be living on my own. I am very, very grateful to my friends that I am living with and I do not think I could have been able to handle moving out of my house and end up directly on my own.

Who knows if any of these apartments will be "the one". I am a little apprehensive because I have never gone through this process before, but it will be great to find a cool place that will work for me for the time being.