Guess Again

I have recently realized that all I do these days is second guess myself - over and over. I look for other people to acknowledge and confirm my decisions. I have always been "extra-careful" about any decisions I have made. But I am down right terrified to the core that I will make mistakes and bad decisions again. I should not be scared of that, everyone makes mistakes, everyone makes bad decisions. No one can be right all the time. It is getting to the point that anything I do takes several times longer than it should. It is starting to ooze into all parts of my life, including work. I am driving myself crazy thinking, re-thinking, analyzing again and again, working and re-doing. I suppose I am hoping that realizing this is a good first step. I know somewhere inside of me I have the confidence to make decisions on my own. I just have to find it again. I will, eventually.

Try try again...

The ceramics class was a no go...sadly I was the only student that signed up. There are other potential workshops and classes later in the year, so I might just have to wait and try later.

I was rather bummed because it has been a goal to try new things and meet new people. It was my hopes that this class would have aided in both, but it was not meant to be...yet. Now is the time to come up with new ideas!

So Much Going On

The last few months have been a flurry of activity, some good, some difficult. Overall it was just a bit too much to handle so I was just taking it all one day at a time and trying to get through. Therefore, I put to the side reflection and thinking about much of it.

There was the Big Huge Medical tests. Everything ended up fine, but it was scary and I was really worried. Thank you to my friends that were there for me during that time and through the tests, I would not have made it with out you.

There was the BIG MOVE! I have my own place. I am mostly all settled in and I am loving it! It is strange to live by myself, but I am enjoying it. I can make what it is I am hungry for for dinner. I have things set up the way I want them. And have slowly started to decorate in my style, whatever that is...The doggies love it and I have more closet space than I know what to do with, that is going to spoil me :-)

There was the start of doggie visitation with The Unmentionable. Which had lead to us communicating again. Overall, that has not been the best.

There has been little movement with the proceedings. There is some big paperwork that has been done. This is going to be a long, slow process.

Sleep and I have broken up. As in, I don't sleep well. Hopefully that will be a short-term issue.

Scatter in some other personal stuff with friends and family and work...

I have started to try to figure out ways to meet new people and get involved in new activities. Tonight is my first ever wheel throwing ceramics class. I could not be more excited. In fact I was all dressed and ready to go 3.5 hours before the start of class.

OH! I colored my hair, from a box. I have never done that before. But people who know me know I have had grey hair for a long time. That was fun and exciting! It is basically the same color, but a little red and a lot less grey.

I am hoping to start getting back to writing out what has been going on, what my feelings are, how I am doing.